All is well...all is well...

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Stanley,

In light of the recent and unpredicted economic crisis, we at Advantage Management™ remind you that we strive to offer the most valued, reliable, and affordable services that will ease the burden of current financial stress. In fact, to remind you of what your $70 per month fee covers, we have compiled a list of these specific things:

1. Shovel snow

We hope that this list has helped you to remember our selfless, generous attitude towards your quality of life. We also apologize for not answering or returning any phone calls you may have placed with us. We are on a very tight budget and feel yielding to our customers’ needs during these trying times may decrease time spent constructing this very important notice.

Through careful consideration of the fact that you spend outrageous amounts of money on increasing grocery, gasoline, heating, and electricity costs, and, of course, our president’s fourteen year old son, Jimmy, mentioning, “why not jump on that train…woot woot,” we will require an increase in your current HOA fees per month from $70 to $85 starting January 1, 2010.

We hope to soon provide you with more of an explanation of why we have initiated this; but, we will need to come up with a legit reason first. In the meantime, we ask that you simply add the additional $15 to each month’s HOA fees and we will continue to shovel your snow and do whatever else we claim to do.

Have a lovely year and please do not hesitate to not call with questions or concerns; we no speak a English.

Sincerely,



Advantage Management

2009 New Year's Resolutions...

Well it's that time again...to start new year's resolutions and give up by early February; however, Cali and I have decided that those false traditions are going to end in 2010 We are committed, determined, and excited to finish what we start this upcoming year. Here is just a small part of some of the many resolutions we have for 2010:





1. graduate





2. get good high paying jobs





3. buy another house



4. celebrate the chargers winning the super bowl




5. go to the circus and watch a one-armed midget riding a unicycle while brushing his teeth and balancing 3 little puppies and 6 plastic trash cans on his head all while whistling a ditty





6. getting our colon's thoroughly cleansed using an Internet concoction of buttermilk/peanut butter and a vacuum





7. collecting all the hair from our haircuts and knitting a fake beard and moccasins





8. popping exactly 1,642 bubble wrap bubbles....478 of which will be popped in the bathtub, 725 in the car, and the remaining 439 to be popped at an undisclosed location of our choosing





9. mixing ketchup, vinegar, egg nog, baking soda, Worcestershire sauce, milk, and a hint of oregano, and giving it to my nephew telling him its a "big boy's chocolate milk shake" and then laughing hysterically whilst making him clean up his own vomit and telling him Santa is dead

S.R.V.

Eric Johnson playing tribute to the late great Stevie Ray Vaughan

Twilight, Twilight...turn on the magical colored lights!

Here's a post-Christmas day shocker: I went to the theatre and paid $17 to watch twilight! I know I know...I'm surprised too. About 6 hours before showtime my wife sat me down and stared at me with her cute puppy dog eyes and said, "honey, will you take me to see twilight tonight...i want to see it so bad." I succumbed to her enticings. The odd thing about it, I really liked it! I did get way too involved in the plot, and halfway through the movie I found myself screaming in my head for Bella to "run away....GO! He just wants to suck your blood.....RUUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!" Yeah it was pretty intense.

I guess I just thought Edward was so dreamy!

Playing for change...

I think the gentleman at the very beginning says it best. Take a gander at this video and feel the spirit of unity that keeps the world turning