So long Cone Bone...

This is a tribute to the funniest television host of our time.

Here is Wally relaxing on my lap.

Huh...

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? I believe when I first exited the womb, I was holding a deck of cards and riding a huffy...so no I was not named after anyone.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? A couple of months ago when I was in the front of the pack at yoga. I couldn’t tell if I liked it or was being violated.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No, it is dangerously close to Tahoma.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Honey ham
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? I hope not.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probably not. I’m a jackass.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? No.
8.DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No, but I would collect my toenail clippings if I were old enough.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Raisin bran
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Neapolatin
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? whether or not they are hotter than me.
15. RED OR PINK? A pinkish hew
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My genius mind. I'm just too damn smart for most people.
17. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Bill O Reilly pulling it out his bum.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Communist red
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? Hospital emergency rooms, city mourges, state prisons...the san francisco bay...
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Football
27. FAVORITE FOOD? Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Lowery's seasoning salt.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Howard the Duck
35. HUGS OR KISSES? I'll take a smooch over a hug anytime
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Individual Income Taxes
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Conan O Brien
42. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Who are those guys...
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Ecuador
45. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? Rehab

CCCHHHHUUUUNNNNKKKK...

The other day at the gym I had quite the weird experience. We were finishing up our workout when I noticed my buddy was very tired. He didn't sleep very well the night before and it was taking a toll on him the next day. I said, "Hey Jared, you look beat." he shook his head in agreement. Just then a guy that we had never seen before walked up to me with a smile and mumbled something. He looked like sloth from the goonies without too much of a disfigured face. I thought he was excited about having a good workout and wanted to tell me about it, but I heard nothing but mumbles. So I smiled at him and politely responded, "I'm sorry. What was that?" He replied saying, "Take it back...you called me weak!" I was a little confused and said, "No I was talking to my friend over there." He then said the most retarded thing another human can say to another. "GOOD! I'm not weak." Then he walked away.

It was by far one of the weirdest, most spooky encounters I have had with anyone. Apparently this gentleman thought I had said something like, "That guy is weak." instead of "You look beat."

The very first thing I thought afterwards was that he was the kid that wore capes and read fantasy books during lunch in high school and got picked on by jocks. Now he was out to prove to the world that he was no longer gonna be bullied, but he was gonna do the bullying. He must have thought it was a good opportunity to show his manliness. I honestly felt really sorry for the guy and I hope he is able to put off his insecurities and learn to interact with people in a respectable manner.

AAAAAHHHHH...

two down...one blasted more to go. Goin' for that thumbs up...thumbs up.

Oh Wally...

This is Wally helping me do my homework. Apparently he knows best...

***RIP OFF REPORT***

I came across a hilarious rip off report regarding wal-mart and their faulty security systems. I couldn't believe how much time this complainer put into compiling this accusation, but amazed nonetheless. It's a little long but worth it. Click here to read it:

http://www.ripoffreport.com/reports/0/311/RipOff0311948.htm